Kieron's New Life
by ltk2
Summary: Kieron doesn't die but he realizes his life has changed.
1. Chapter 1 Finding Kieron

John Paul opened the door to Kieron's apartment and felt a great loss. Just minutes before he had been with Craig and had taken joy in reliving his past. But when he saw Kieron lying on the floor, he realized this was his present and he hoped his future.

"Kieron. Kieron, sweetheart, what have you done?"

John Paul called emergency services, hoping it was not too late. He thought of how he had recently been pushing Kieron away. It had all been happening too fast. He had proposed to Kieron on impulse. At the time, Kieron had seemed like he needed reassurance that John Paul still loved him. Kieron was so excited to be engaged to John Paul. John Paul was happy at first also but lately it had seemed that he had lost control. He wanted to be out with his friends having fun not hanging around Niall's apartment doing laundry. He began to resent Kieron and had finally blurted out that he didn't want to marry him.

But now, cradling Kieron in his arms, John Paul realized how much that man meant to him. Kieron was the most caring and selfless man he had ever known. What was broken in John Paul that caused him to push Kieron away and with it the most loving relationship he had known? And for what? Craig? John Paul realized that his feelings for Craig were for the boy that he knew a year ago. But who was the Craig of today? Actually maybe John Paul did know the current Craig. He was just as selfish and immature and had caused John Paul to hurt the man that he truly loved.

But had John Paul hurt Kieron enough that he wanted to kill himself? That didn't make sense.

As the doctors told John Paul that they weren't sure if Kieron would survive, John Paul promised that if given another chance he would be honest with Kieron and ask for his forgiveness. Kieron was an expert at forgiving people. He would give John Paul another chance, wouldn't he?


	2. Chapter 2 The Truth

Kieron awoke and wondered where he was. This wasn't his room and why wasn't John Paul lying next to him? Then he started to remember. He needed to warn John Paul about Niall. He struggled against the tubes to get out of bed but then noticed John Paul asleep in the chair and realized he was at the hospital. John Paul must have heard Kieron stir because he awoke and was quickly at Kieron's side saying he was sorry and asking why Kieron tried to kill himself. It took Kieron a minute or two to realize what John Paul was saying.

"John Paul, I didn't try to kill myself. Niall slipped those pills in my drink. He is very angry and dangerous, and I need to talk to the police."

Kieron told the police everything and John Paul listened stunned. Kieron wished that he could have told John Paul privately but Niall had to be stopped before he hurt anyone else. Maybe part of Kieron also wanted to hurt John Paul the way that John Paul had hurt him. No, Kieron did not want to hurt John Paul but he sadly realized that John Paul would never hold that special place in his heart again.

It was funny how almost dying made you see things so clearly. Kieron realized how John Paul had been pulling away from him these last few weeks. Kieron loved John Paul so much that he excused it away by thinking that John Paul was just anxious about his family's acceptance. Kieron realized that maybe he had been too excited about their wedding, he could think of little else. But Kieron had asked several times if John Paul was sure or did if he wanted to wait to get married. Each time Kieron asked, John Paul insisted that he wanted to marry him. And John Paul had proposed to Kieron, hadn't he?

"John Paul, why didn't you trust that you could speak to me honestly about your feelings?"


	3. Chapter 3 John Paul's Insight

John Paul was still in shock from all that he had heard Kieron tell the police. Niall was his brother? The McQueen family really was like no other family! But how would his mom react to all this? He had left her a message about Kieron but she was at work and he didn't know when she would get it. The police were probably already at her side, making sure that she was safe until they had Niall in custody. He needed to be with his mom but first he needed to tell Kieron how he felt.

John Paul didn't know if he could explain how he had been feeling these last few weeks but he needed to make Kieron understand. John Paul held Kieron's hand and opened his heart. He told Kieron how he felt he had been forced to grow up quickly over these past few weeks. No, not "forced" but his conscience told him he should because married people should be responsible. He had loved the excitement of Kieron choosing him over the church and he loved how Kieron was not ashamed to show him affection in public. But he and Kieron were at different places in their life. John Paul wanted to have fun in Ibiza; Kieron wanted to help the villager's school project in Tanzania. John Paul should have talked it over with Kieron quietly instead of blurting out in public that he wasn't ready to marry him.

John Paul tried to explain to Kieron that he hadn't been in touch with Craig and didn't know he was going to visit Hollyoaks. His head had been spinning after telling Kieron that the wedding was off. He didn't know how to respond when Kieron asked him "It's over. Isn't it?" John Paul had not intended to fall back into his old relationship with Craig but he was so emotional and somehow it had happened and it felt good. He felt carefree again.

But even as John Paul was walking to Niall's to tell Kieron about Craig, he was confused. What had Craig really promised him? Did he want to get into a relationship with Craig again? He wasn't ready to marry Kieron but did he want to lose him? Did he want to wake up each morning knowing that Kieron wouldn't be there to talk and laugh with him? Kieron wouldn't be there to caress his face? John Paul wasn't sure what he wanted but he knew that swapping Kieron for Craig would not make him happy.

John Paul tried to make Kieron understand all this and more. He had to go to his mom because she would be devastated by the news about Niall. But John Paul would be back soon and he and Kieron would work things out.

John Paul leaned over to kiss Kieron but Kieron turned his head and only let John Paul kiss him on his cheek. John Paul wanted to believe that Kieron was not yet thinking clearly, that the drugs were affecting his judgment, but he knew in his heart that he had broken Kieron's trust in him. Maybe Kieron's priest friend was right. He was still young and had not been as committed as Kieron.


	4. Chapter 4 Kieron's Insight

Kieron's head was reeling. It was too much for his brain to process. So much had changed in just one day. Niall was Myra's son… Niall had tried to kill him… John Paul had been intimate with Craig. He remembered that even as he was struggling to understand all the vile that Niall was spouting his thoughts had been "Not John Paul. Don't hurt my John Paul." But John Paul wasn't his, not anymore.

He was glad that he told the police all about Niall. He didn't want Niall to hurt anyone else. He had only the best intentions in helping Myra but he wondered if things weren't worse now. No, it wasn't his fault. He hadn't brought Niall to Hollyoaks. Niall already knew, so it was better that it was all out in the open because who knew how much more harm Niall could have caused. It was now a McQueen family issue and he was no longer part of that family, even if he had felt like it for a time.

But, how did he feel about everything that John Paul had told him? He still loved John Paul but they had not been open and honest with each other for weeks. If only John Paul had talked to him about his doubts? Kieron would have been hurt but he would have understood. Part of Kieron had always known that John Paul was too young and immature to be making such a serious commitment. But Kieron had wanted it so much that he had hidden his own doubts.

It would have been so much fun to go away anywhere with John Paul. He loved talking, laughing, and loving John Paul. But now, none of that was possible because he no longer trusted John Paul. Maybe if John Paul had talked to him about his fears and his confusion about Craig, their relationship could have matured. But John Paul had pouted and lied, and then had been with Craig just hours after they had broken up.

He still loved John Paul but he couldn't trust him. And Kieron could not be in a relationship without trust.


	5. Chapter 5 Moving On

Kieron needed to stay in the hospital for a week so the doctors could be sure that he had no further complications. But that was okay with Kieron because he had nowhere to go, no one to go home to. He had done so much thinking during that week.

The police had arrested Niall and he had confessed everything. Niall was eager to explain that he had only done what was necessary and that he was the injured party. He regretted that Kieron had poked around in his life and forced him to take drastic action. Kieron was still stunned that he had totally misread Niall and hoped that he would get the help he needed.

John Paul had visited him every day and at first insisted that they could work things out. But gradually he understood that their relationship was broken. They had agreed that maybe after some time apart, they could try again. John Paul was hopeful but Kieron doubted it was possible.

Already, Kieron was putting the past behind him and looking to the future. He knew that he would leave Hollyoaks as soon as the doctor allowed it. He needed a fresh start and need to put the last few months behind him: John Paul, the McQueens, and everyone who thought of him as "Father Kieron".

He liked helping people and was considering several career paths. Maybe he could be a youth counselor, or a patient advocate, or a therapist. He was still deciding.

His uncle had stopped by to visit him in the hospital. Uncle Pete had been estranged from their family since he had come out many years ago. Kieron had always been kind to his uncle but they had not been close. But this upheaval had brought them together. He had offered him a place to stay until he was better and back on his feet. Kieron realized that he was not alone and someone understood.

Yes, every day he was looking forward to his future even more. He could begin to imagine a happy life with a healthy relationship. He wasn't ready for a relationship now. He knew he needed to become more comfortable with himself and his new direction.

Yet, he was sure that the neurologist was checking on him more than was medically necessary. A doctor was not usually that interested in his patient's life. He had made Kieron promise to call him once he was out of the hospital and no longer officially his patient. A date with a mature professional man made Kieron eager to get on with his life. He knew that it would be awhile before he could trust a special someone again. But Kieron was full of hope that given time, it was possible. And that was enough for now.


End file.
